Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Pappa wants mamma naked
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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