Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
