I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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