I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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