DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
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I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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