I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
