I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
