I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
We left the knife in your bed.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
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