Will you blow on my dice?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
