you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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