whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
