i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
