Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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