thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
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