3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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