I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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