She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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