i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We don't watch enough power rangers
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
