I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
