blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Randomize
