If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
