I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
