cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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