Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
