I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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