i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
