The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
