From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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