I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Randomize
