I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize