I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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