Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
