I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
