So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
