I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
