She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
