Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
