mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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