I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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