Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
