you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
