Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
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