i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
