Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
