your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
