I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
