He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i drank out of a bidet.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
