i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
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