someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
