funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
