just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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