I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
