I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
