i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
