if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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