im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
you win again, gameday.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
