Cold hands, warm shart.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I need water and some morals
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
