We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
