So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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