i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
