I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
