Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
