please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Sober January is a disaster.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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