...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
