I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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