You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
