Pappa wants mamma naked
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
