Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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