He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
