I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
