Where is the hickey?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
