I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
