Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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